


The enemy of my grief

by RussianWitch



Category: X-Men (Movieverse), X-Men - All Media Types
Genre: Anal Sex, Biting, Gender Dysphoria, Grief/Mourning, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Sort of anyway, screwing it better
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-11-05
Updated: 2013-11-05
Packaged: 2017-12-31 15:05:15
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,782
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1033102
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/RussianWitch/pseuds/RussianWitch
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Once upon a time Scott Summers had been young, stupid and in love with a telepath. That being said he’d done something he’d been warned against multiple times and allowed his then girlfriend to link their minds together as prove of his devotion.<br/>Years later with his girl somewhere under a lake, the link is a black hole that keeps him up nights.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The enemy of my grief

**Author's Note:**

> Not beta'd

Once upon a time Scott Summers had been young, stupid and in love with a telepath. That being said he’d done something he’d been warned against multiple times and allowed his then girlfriend to link their minds together as prove of his devotion.

Years later with his girl somewhere under a lake, the link is a black hole that keeps him up nights. The ghost of her claws at the back of his mind when he’s trying to sleep, bombarding him with the echoes of her memories and desires.

When he does manage to sleep, he wakes up with either the sense memory of her hands on his body or her fantasies in his head. That’s when he’s lucky and his body isn’t throbbing, flooded with adrenaline because the second before his body had been owned by a man he can't stand. He has seen the desire before, has felt it before too but with Jean alive it had always been accompanied by her love for him now it's only a flood he can't escape or stand.

He had always known that he wasn’t quite enough for her, wasn’t quite what she wanted but he had always done his best and had loved her almost from the first time he’d seen her. She had always relied on him to be her anchor, for years she had been telling him that time and again.

Only now does he have to wonder if those words hadn’t been an insult instead of a compliment; an accusation instead of gratitude when she said them.

Everyone around him starts to recover slowly, pick up the pieces and glue them back as best as they know. Sometimes it feels like everyone else is trying to forget Jean ever existed just to stop hurting. Scott is the only one who can’t let go, not with her haunting his mind.

 

He finds himself abandoning their room in the middle of the night, stumbling down the hall unsure if it’s the ghost of her propelling his body or if it’s a subconscious choice he’s made now that he’s sleep deprived enough. His body throbs with her desire, fantasies and memories tangled up with his animosity twisting into a knot of Gordian proportions.

He can fight it, has been fighting it the last couple of nights.

Lying motionless on his back in bed and trying to empty his mind has exhausted his mental defenses. He's been trying to do it for weeks now, has even resorted to sleeping pills a couple of times but those just seem to make it worse keeping him asleep when he desperately wants to wake up, to escape the nightmares.

Scott isn’t sure if he’s awake or asleep by now, all he can think of is that he has to know.

Has to understand: why?

He needs to feel a connection with someone who wanted Jean as much as he does, even if that someone had been trying to take Jean away from him when she’d still been alive.

He might have held out longer if he still had any hope left of Jean coming back live, but the hope had burned out with a supernova flash the night before.

 

Scott slams through the door he's felt the pull to enter every time he's been forced to pass it by for weeks now.

The room is dark, but he can see something glowing by the window.

It isn’t really a surprise that the Wolverine is up. Scott can smell the smoke of the cigar and the teacher part of him gets annoyed all over again about the man’s blatant disregard for rules. He flicks the light-switch, the lamp light bright and unforgiving in the stark and bare room.

Logan is barefoot and bare-chested despite the open window letting in the cold night air. Scott shivers, his body reacting to both the cold and the memories of Jean’s pleasure at the sight of Logan’s body.

Logan frowns; Scott can’t believe that the animalistic man allows the invasion of his territory without as much as a comment. He sees Logan taking several deep breaths; his head cocked like a predator watching his prey, waiting for an opening to bring it down. 

Getting bold he crosses the room; walks right up to the man he’s dreamed of punching in the face, she’s dreamed of getting fucked by, his hands itching to feel Logan’s skin under her fingers, itching to feel the pelt-like hair on the bare chest. Scott can see Logan getting more suspicious and confused with every step he takes. So close to the man of her mind desires, his body gets confused as well; Jean would have been wet already, slippery and ready to fuck maybe even wet enough that even her thighs would be slippery. Scott wonders if Logan had been able to smell her before, can smell Scott now. The thought of already having given himself away just by walking in makes Scott blush.

It feels like his hands are not his own, maybe they are Jean’s? She reaches out, gives into impulse like he doesn’t remember doing since he came into his powers and lays his hands on the bare chest of the man in front of him. The pelt is slightly rough under his hands, matted with sweat even in the cold room. Logan burns like a furnace and Scott needs to feel more of that heat, needs to see if it can smother the heat burning inside of him courtesy of Jean.

Scott focuses on the chest in front of him, refuses to look the man his girl had wanted in the eyes still amazed that the Wolverine doesn't have him by the throat already.

“You smell like her.”

It’s been weeks, the sent has disappeared off the sheets and most of the objects in the room. Scott only has a bottle of perfume to remember her by and he has that locked away in the safe in their room so that it will keep longer, so that he won't be tempted to spill it all around the room to keep her ghost alive just a little bit longer. Logan’s hand tangles in Scott’s hair, jerks his head back forcing him to look up, and leans down sniffing audibly at Scott’s throat. Scott has never noticed the difference; but then no one had been around before to comment on something like his sent changing when he’s getting taken over by his dead girlfriend.

Scott gives a wounded moan and twists away while trying to keep hold of Logan’s body. He wonders why Logan is holding on so tight, why instead of pushing Scott away Logan is pulling him closer moving them both away from the open window and towards the bed.

“I need to know! I want to know why she…”

He doesn’t have to finish the sentence; Logan understands Scott can feel his grip turning into an embrace; tightening instead of loosening as he would have expected.

“When’s the last time ya slept Cyke?”

It seems like an impossible question, Scott has lost count of the night he’s stayed awake by now. There might have been a night here and there that he simply passed out, his body shutting down.

“She wanted you, she thought about you even when you were gone. I want to know why…”

He looks up, voluntarily this time, cursing his mutation and the fact that his world is forever ruby tinted. Without the glasses he wouldn’t have such a difficulty to pick up the nuances of human expression. He’d been blind for so long that some visual things still give him trouble; recognizing expressions for example, picking colors apart or objects. Sometime he wishes that he could take off the glasses, close his eyes again; choose to be blind without consequences.

“Cyke?”

“I’m thinking, I got distracted…you’re warm…”

Scott buries his face in Logan’s chest surprised that rubbing his cheek against all that rough hair feels nice. Logan smells good as well; like cigar smoke, musk, leather and underneath it all the smell of metal. He nuzzles at the pelt trying to determine which aspect would have appealed to Jean the most.

His confused body appreciates the proximity; his cock is hard, nipples tight points, she needs to feel Logan’s hands on him, needs to feel Logan in him.

Scott pulls at Logan until he follows Scott towards the bed.

He drops his weight, forces Logan to hold him up or drop him on the bed or maybe the floor. Instead of letting go, Logan follows him, actually pins him down and straddles his legs burying his face in Scott’s throat.

“What the hell is going on with you?”

It’s the one question he can, maybe, answer or at least try to as long as Logan keeps touching him anchoring his thoughts at least a little in his body instead of hers.

“She was in my head. A part of her has always been in my head. I can still feel what she wanted, who she wanted and I need…”

Logan’s hands frame his face; make him focus on the reality of somehow ending up in the bed of a man he’s been annoyed with since their first meeting.

“What do ya need?”

Logan has never sounded this kind before, not even talking to Marie when she's upset. Scott arches, pulls his legs up fighting against the unnatural heaviness of Logan on top of him, spreads his legs and moans at the feeling of Logan settling between them.

Scott is one of the few guys, maybe the only guy in the world, who knows what if feels like to have a pussy. Jean had liked his reactions when she made a feedback loop from her own body to his so that he felt what it was like to fuck her and get fucked at the same time. That knowledge gnaws at him now because he’ll never experience the sensation again despite his body telling him that he needs it. He'll never get to come while getting fucked again, never feel a dick sliding slick and thick in and out of him easy and hot.

“Need you.”

He isn’t even sure it’s his words that are coming out of his mouth. He didn’t feel the link break; it just turned into a black hole. That’s why he had held out hope.

Now with all hope gone he feels like the black hole is going to swallow him whole.

“Not sure what you need, but it sure as hell ain’t me.”

The too heavy body starts to lift off of him and Scott can’t help a whimper of distress from escaping. Scott claws at Logan's back to get him back.

“Nooo, please…I can’t…”

He can’t explain that by now he’s afraid that he’s going to go insane if he doesn’t do what the memories and fantasies tell him he wants.

“Calm down Slim, I ain’t sending you away. Should talk to the professor though, don’t think Jeannie would have wanted you to get this messed up.”

Most of Logan’s weight returns, as a precaution Scott wraps his legs around the man’s waist again tighter this time so that Logan can’t pull away again.

“I can handle it.”

Scott buries his nose in Logan’s chest concentrating on the weight on top of him almost suffocating heavy until he finally manages to think more or less clearly again.

“Yeah, you're handling it like a pro.”

Scott doesn’t want to think about the possible consequences of a loose telepathic connection in his brain. He isn’t even sure if anyone has suffered this before. All he knows is that he’s the one who is supposed to be strong, the one to be untouchable. Only the question of his aching body remains; the awareness that he’s painfully hard has been for a while and probably will remain so unless…  
Good think that Logan is as affected by the situation as he is by the feel of it. Scott can feel Logan’s cock, wants to feel more of it, at least have the pants disappear from between them.

“I want you to fuck me…”

“Jesus Christ…ya’re really gone aren’t you?”

"You want me to beg?"

His hands find Logan's belt buckle, it's not that hard with the thing digging into his pelvis and start fumbling it open. Scott is trying to think of something, some words that will appeal enough that he will get what he wants. He's never been good with those kinds of words, never needed to be when Jean could just look into his head and understand. 

"Don't have to beg Slim..." 

He doesn't allow Logan to finish the sentence; his hands have been fumbling at the buttons of the jeans finally undoing the last one. Of course Logan being Logan isn't wearing any underwear, the part of Scott that is still himself snorts at the discovery. The part that may or may not be Scott that's been running the show since he got so sleep deprived, that part cheers as his hands close around quite a lot of hot, hard flesh.  
Logan growls at the touch and Scott feels a surge of pleasure through his body at the knowledge that he's responsible for that sound. He struggles to get his own pants off while defusing to let go of his prize that's twitching and leaking in his hand. Logan is thrusting into his palm hovering over him studying him as if he's looking for something. Scott isn't sure what Logan is looking for, but eventually Logan's arm shoots out to the side and Scott hears the soft snick that signals that Logan's claws are out. He wonders if he hasn't pushed Logan too far after all.

Logan sits up on his knees and Scott whimpers left empty handed in the chilly air. He tries to read Logan's expression but he's still alive...  
The claws flash and instead of pain he feels a breeze between his legs. The sweatpants are in shreds, his cock is standing up despite the fear, and Logan’s claws scratch very lightly against Scott's thigh. The sensation is enough for Scott to let go the last shreds of his sanity and thrust his hips up in invitation uncaring of the pin pricks of the claws digging into his skin and leaving drops which Scott can imagine are standing out in bright contrast to his skin. 

The claws disappear and Logan's hands grab at Scott's legs, spread them out as far as they can go and force them still. He leans down and licks away the drops of blood, licks a trail up Scott's inner thigh towards his groin. His whiskers grate against Scott's skin like sandpaper, teeth snag on skin when he stops to suck a bruise on Scott's hip and all the while Scott can feel Logan watching him. It shouldn't be as intrusive as it feels; just having eyes on him instead of someone in his head and yet he feels like his being is getting stripped down to the bone.   
Scott feels Logan's tongue on his cock and it doesn't feel right. It's certainly not what he needs, the cock isn't even supposed to be there. He or maybe she grabs at Logan's hair, forces him away from inconvenient flesh. Before Logan can ask him questions he can't answer without explanations that will take longer than Scott feels he'll be able to stand he reaches down, grabs the cock he desperately wants inside him pulling it towards his ass.

"Easy there Slim, don't think you want to get fucked dry." 

It's almost funny that he's forgotten that he doesn't get wet. 

"Forgot...don't care..." 

 

He's shushed before he can embarrass himself further, Logan doesn't even bother untangling Scott's hand from his hair; goes back to what he was doing, nuzzles at Scott's cock some more until Scott can't hold back a desperate, hopeless sob any longer. As desperate as he's feeling by now the slick, hot tongue drilling into his ass. The experience so new, that it manages to dislodge some of the forger memories keeping him in their grasp. When he looks down he can see the satisfaction and amusement in Logan's eyes; it's the only warning he gets before Logan does it again. Scott can feel Logan's laughter vibrate through his body as the man sets out to fuck Scott's hole with his tongue. He can feel the muscle yielding to the slippery, wet assault. It seems dirty and wrong and of course Logan is enjoying himself and Scott finds that he wants more, needs it because it almost feels the same as...at least he's getting fucked now even if it's not the way he'd ever have imagined it. His hand goes to the visor habitually checking if it's still there, if he's still safe.

"Don't touch it, close your eyes and keep your hands away from your face sport!" 

The words are accompanied by a sharp bite to his inner thigh and Scott has to wonder if Logan has drawn blood again when it's followed by a lick. Closing his eyes is easy; he's learned to keep his eyes closed no matter what a very long time ago, it's actually easier than looking in some ways. Controlling his hands is harder, he doesn't know where to put them; clutches at the pillow and the sheets, startles when Logan's hand closes around one of his wrists guiding his hand down until his fingers brush Logan's hair. Logan moves his head into his hesitant touch like an animal requesting to be petted; Scott tightens his grip and is rewarded with Logan's return to his previous activities. Without Logan's tongue inside Scott the feeling of emptiness returns, the confusion starting to creep back now that she's wet and open and needy. 

"Please..." 

"Soon sweetheart..." 

He isn't sure if Logan is even aware of what he's saying, but it stings because with Jean it wouldn't have been a throw away word. In retaliating he jerks on Logan's hair but only gets a pleased groan in return. His inner thighs and ass feel scrapped raw by Logan's whiskers, the burn is part of the pleasure that feels like almost enough to burn away the ghost of Jean.

Logan trails bites up Scott's body until it feels like they are face to face again. The weight of Logan's body disappears and Scott wants to protest when he hears a soft 'pop' of a cap opening and a squelch. He doesn't feel any slick getting pushed into his body, but then his hole already feels like he's wet and loose enough to take anything. He can almost imagine Logan slicking up his cock, how it glistens in the harsh light. For once he wants to look, but he's been told to keep his eyes closed he's good at doing what he's told. 

"Last chance Slick."

Scott startles at the feeling of Logan's lips against his ear, the weight on him comes back; presses him into the bed. Logan's cock is against Scott's hole now and Scott can't think of anything but having it inside him, getting fucked as hard as she can take it, until there are bruises that will last. Logan bites his throat hard and the ghost disappears again. 

"Fuck me!"

He hasn't managed to be this commanding since they've gotten back from Canada. The tone that everyone's on the team obeys without discussion, even Logan.  
Logan isn't gentle, but then gentle isn't what Scott wants because that's not what Jean would have wanted. Deep, rough thrusts feel like they are pushing out the ghost of his girlfriend and filling the places she took up with something else; something that doesn't feel like it's swallowing him whole and leaving an empty shell behind, something that makes him feel, makes him want to live. He sobs into the mouth that finds his, wraps his body around Logan's giving up, giving in, and letting the fantasies take over.   
She would have loved getting fucked like this; close and hard and merciless. Scott feels like he'll break apart any second now and he isn't sure that he minds. If he breaks the nightmare will end, the pain will end and Scott will be at peace again or possibly dead. 

"Ya with me Scott?"

Words in his ear, he doesn't expect any talking, figures he will be able to sink into the mess that's his mind and possibly switch off. Logan twists his hips, hits something that even with his eyes closed makes Scott see stars and cry out. He doesn't expect Logan to grab him up and roll them. He almost opens his eyes to see what the hell is going on, but Logan's hands hold him steady, help him keep balance until he can get his knees under him properly. Not that he's allowed to settle for long; Logan's hands are around his thighs again soon enough jerking them wide, making him drop further onto the cock inside him. His scream can probably be heard all across the floor; pained and satisfied.

"You're staying with me Slick, going to work for what you want."

At first Scott has trouble understanding the words, his body too busy trying to accept what feels like getting split down the middle, but Logan doesn't move just allows him get his knees under him again and keeps still. Scott knows that later he'll probably be embarrassed by how long it takes for him to understand what's supposed to happen, what he's supposed to be doing. He drags himself up, his body protesting all the way than let's him-self drop to Logan's pleased groan, it's slow and exhausting in the shape he's currently in, his thigh muscles soon start screaming at him to stop but he finds that he can't. 

"That's it sweetheart; show me how much you want to get your ass fucked properly." 

The words send a rush of humiliation through Scott's body that only makes him make more of an effort. He feels himself blushing from head to toe and wanting to see Logan's face. Logan's hands pet him as he moves, blunt nails scratching across Scott's ribs and across his abdomen going up to twist a nipple viciously. The sharp pain makes Scott scream again, overbalance and drop on to the thick cock inside him, clenching tight and shaking with sensation. Logan seems to like his reaction because he does it again on the other side.

"Please..." 

Scott isn't sure what he's asking for: for Logan to quit playing with his body or for more...sensation. He leans down, braces himself on Logan's chest as he grinds himself down, slows his movements; his nails dig into Logan's skin leaving welts that close seconds later. He doesn't get to take a break; Logan's hands find his ass, kneed the flesh than land a slap that makes Scott scream and buckle. 

"That's it Scott, work that tight ass..." 

Another slap and Logan groans as Scott struggles to get away from the pain and to keep the cock in his ass.

"...fuck your-self open for me sweetheart." 

Logan's hand tangles his free hand in Scott's hair, forces Scott still as slaps rain down on his ass. He's caught up in sensation, barely aware of anything but the pain and pleasure that Logan is giving him.

For the first time in weeks he doesn't feel hollow, in fact he feels much too full, claws at Logan in an attempt to make it clear that he can't take any more. He's trying to communicate it with his body because Scott can't find the right words, can't even form random words except for two: 'please' and 'more'.

When he comes, Scott feels like his body is shattering; bones breaking and muscles tearing, all the while still moving on Logan's cock. Scott barely registers something splattering on his abdomen and chest, drops even landing on his face, his eyes are still closed waiting for Logan's permission to open them again. He starts to slump onto Logan's chest, doesn't get the change to come down but gets rolled so that Logan is on top again. Scott is pressed into the mattress feeling limp, Logan still hard inside of him.   
He doesn't think that he will be able to take a fucking now oversensitive and tired as he is, but Logan is pinning him down and starting to move short sharp thrusts into Scott that jolt his whole body as Logan licks the cum off his face letting the rest of it glue their bodies together.

"Never would have taken you for such a sweet fuck Scotty. Makes me want to stay in ya, keep ya full of my cum so everyone knows you're mine."

Logan swallows the whine Scott lets out, steals the breath from Scott's lips than leaves bites up and down Scott's throat. He feels like he's going to float up and out of his body and only Logan's body is holding him down.

"Yours..."

Because for just a moment he can admit that, that's exactly what he needs, exactly what he has always needed if he's honest with himself: to belong to someone, with someone instead of getting left behind again and again.   
He can barely form the word his lips swollen and tongue thick with fatigue as he sees stars behind his still closed eyelids. 

"Open your eyes Scott and say that again."

Scott really doesn't want to, doesn't need to he knows who is fucking him.   
Strange to think that maybe Logan needs the assurance as well; he opens his eyes and the world is crimson again. Logan's face sweaty and tense is right in front of him and Scott finds himself smiling despite everything. He manages to find the strength to wrap his arms around Logan's neck, pull him in and offer his mouth for another kiss. Logan obliges violent and possessive, biting Scott's lip until he draws blood and licks it away. 

"Yours."

It's a stupid promise to make; they both know that Scott is out of it, that they will still annoy the hell out of each other in daylight, but in that exact moment it feels right.  
Logan growls into the kiss and bites at Scott's shoulder coming for what feels like an eternity. Scott barely holds in a whimper when Logan finally slides out of him; he feels empty again but this time it's his body that misses being filled instead of his mind. In a way it's better and at the same time worse because Logan just might stick around reminding Scott of what he wants but can't have. He feels cum leaking from his ass, feel it flaking off his abdomen and chest, his cock is already half hard again, the bites on his body already starting to ache Scott starts to scramble off the bed.   
Scott doesn't expect to get dragged back onto Logan's chest.

"Where the hell do ya think you're going?"

"Back to my room."

The hand that Logan isn't using to keep Scott pinned slips between their bodies to wrap around Scott's cock and he finds himself thrusting into the rough grip. 

"Ya ain't going anywhere sweetheart."

He feels a flash of irritation wash over him that he hasn't felt since they got back from Canada all those weeks back before it gets smothered by arousal and Logan's mouth depriving him of air again. Scott comes moaning into Logan's mouth and painting Logan's hand with his come. He watches in a daze as Logan licks his hand clean than reaches for the alarm-clock on the bedside table to throw it at the light switch. In the dark Logan throws a blanket over the both of them making him-self comfortable while Scott is still dazed.   
Scott really should be protesting, getting up, doing something but his head is quite for the first time since Jean died, his body is tired and Logan is warm under him. 

"You aren't the boss of me Logan!"

He's probably not that convincing considering he's burying his face in Logan's throat and making himself comfortable, but it needs to be said.

"Course not Slim."

He should say something, try for the last word but for once he actually feels like he will be able to sleep as long as he's being held. Before sleep overtakes him Scott wonders what the morning will bring, whatever it will be he suddenly has the rock solid conviction that Logan will be there with him bitching, mocking and watching his back.   
In a way he's looking forward to it.


End file.
